A Short List of Things That Officially Bug the Fuck Out of Me

  • Guns don't kill people. Yup. So long as they're not fired it's a goddamned party. But not a cool party where we get to shoot guns. A boring party where all of the dishes have flax seeds and everyone has an opinion about Jonathan Franzen.
  • Why won't Obama say the words "Radical Islamic Terror"? Because he doesn't want to, doesn't have to, and doesn't need to. You could just as easily ask, "Why won't Obama say the words 'Pinkerton' is a modern classic?" and the end result will be just the same: everyone will think you're an idiot.
  • Republican leaders who voted against background checks should be killed. No joke, this little gem showed up on my news feed this morning. Read your shit before you send it out to the world and the world will thank you for it.
  • We need to fight them over there so that we don't fight them over here. Admittedly this one has fallen out of fashion since Bush Part Deux, but I still hear people say it every once in a while and the logic just eats itself. As soon as we start fighting them over here everyone's going to ask "Well, wait, then what was that whole war business about?" Either we're fighting them everywhere or we're fighting them nowhere. First things first: let's scrap the whole idea of us vs them.
  • My heart goes out to everyone effected by this tragedy. I know this sentiment comes from a genuinely good place, but don't tell me you have empathy, show me. The people effected by tragedy, especially tragedy that is the result of something systemic like easy access to guns or homophobia, couldn't care less that your thoughts are with them. Before you share your thoughts, share you actions.
  • We need to call it like it is. - Do we, though? Toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe. Truth and honesty are two very different things. Avoid anyone who speaks like this, and especially avoid anyone who follows someone who's main credential is their calling-it-like-it-is-ness.
  • Don't make this political. Isn't this one just code for laziness and ineptitude? Isn't this just a cop-out? If we don't make this political now, when will we ever?
  • And you actually want to VOTE in November? The lesser-of-two-evils argument especially bugs the fuck out of me. "I don't want to vote for the lesser of two evils." Why not? Would you rather the greater of two evils? You want your voice heard? Make it heard. Don't posture behind your self-righteousness and either vote or show me how your abstention is more effective, because at this point I remain unconvinced.
  • We all need to respect each other. Nope. This is a different kind of posturing and it's equally destructive. We should all listen, we should all engage, but courtesy and respect are two different things.
  • I told you so. Good for you. I'm sure you did. You're so smart. I respect you so much because you told me so. That makes you better than me. Thanks!
  • Fuck it all. This one I get. It's hard, man. It's super hard to do anything at all, let alone reasonably try to effect positive change in a world that seems determined to change only for the worse. You wake up to news that fifty people are dead because someone who wanted to kill them was able to kill them, "Fuck it all" is as reasonable of a thing to say as anything. But that's not how you start a conversation, that's how you end one. Let's start talking. I want to hear what you have to say. But if you say any of the above, you're going to bug the fuck out of me. Having said that, I can get over being annoyed. I have to. Let's talk.